HARPER DECLARES JIAN GHOMESHI A TERRORIST

"Wow, JG actually created more terror in Canada this week than the crackhead I hire to shoot up the hill" Harper was quoted in my dreams last night. Just before Burton Cummings and the guy from Nickelback bukkaki'd all over his stupid face. Then Jian showed up and everyone was terrorized by his presence. Then I woke up and had some coffee.

DEGENERATE PLANETS FAVOURITE COPS OF ALL TIME

Since the police and RCMP have been eating so many bullets lately, we at DP thought instead of picking up a M134 Minigun and jumping on the bandwagon, we would instead pay tribute to our favourite cops of all time. They are not all one dimensional, anal, power hungry cocks after all....

1.BAD LIEUTENANT

One of the best movies ever. Harvey Kietel makes you think you are watching a documentary. What makes him a great cop is not the drugs, drug dealing, stealing, mouth rape of teenagers, but the forgiveness of the rapists at the end. What a guy.

2.BUFORD T. JUSTICE 

My Dad loved this guy. I love him too. He is so much more foul mouthed than Ralph Cramden. "There's no way, no way that you came from my loins. Soon as I get home, first thing I'm gonna do is punch yo mamma in da mouth."

3.BARNEY FIFE

Barney would carry one bullet in his pocket just in case there was trouble. He also took the deadly art of judo for a few years. He had a serious respect for the law that the Sheriff never quite understood.

4.BELKER

He was so undercover that he didn't bathe and he barked like a dog. They don't make cops like this anymore. If they do I am unaware because they are in so deep. Maybe I'm  undercover. maybe you are. I just blew your mind.

5.DENNIS BECKER

Rockford was always using Becker for running plates and Becker became to butt of his coworkers jokes for having a n ex-con for a friend. Sometimes he would deny it. Then Rockford would solve a case for him

.

6.STEVE MCGARRET

Definitely a control freak. Also, the hardest working police chief in the history of Five O. When he wasn't shooting it out with Red Chinese spies, or busting Howlie coke smugglers, he was going undercover! Police Chiefs are supposed to be black, balding and fat and yell a lot while their wives cheat on them, not go undercover! WTF? Strong work McGarret...also his secret gay relationship was Dano was groundbreaking.

7.NORDBERG

Self explanatory. 

8.McQ

Putting Harry Callahan on this list would have been to obvious so instead you get McQ. The Fat Elvis of violent cops.

9.WINSLOW

A cop that makes sounds might have more uses in the field than you think. He can make sounds that confuse the bad guys. 

10.K9 JERRY LEE

I would have put Hooch on this list but he was just the dog of a dead guy helping Tom Hanks. K9 was an actual cop. Did you know if you kill a police dog you go down for a police homicide? Those motherfuckers don't even carry a badge or read you your rights! They just bite you! Fuck a police dog! Except loveable Jerry lee obviously.

BEST OF 2013

Half the things I discovered that were good this year were old so I'm including those anyway.

OS MUTANTES

I guess I'd heard these guys before but never got into them until this year. Brazil psychedelic superstars from the 60s that have reunited.

THE FREE DESIGN

New York sunshine pop, I guess they were featured on Peanut Butter Wolfs Badd Santa Mixtape but I didn't really check them out til this year. They are so happy it almost makes you sick. They are like camp counsellors drunk on power....they have an album called "Kites Are Fun'

HULU PLUS

This is Awesome. Fuck Netflix. Simon and Simon, The Fall Guy and the Criterion Collection. It's a commplete pain in the ass to get this in Canada but entirely worth the effort and expense. They have Return to the Planet of the Apes cartoon, I,Claudius, and I Love Lucy. What other tv shows are there? Well, Rockford, but they have that too.....

JEAN PAUL LANGLOIS MUGS, THRO PILLOWS AND IPOD COVERS FOR SALE

MY 10 FAVORITE GETO BOYS TRACKS

1: GANGSTER OF LOVE
This is the one that started it all off for me. A nazi skinhead biker that I bought weed off found out I was getting into rap and said I had to check this out...changed my life. I stopped listening to 'alternative' music and Japanese noise bands and started listening to gangster rap.
Great sampling, brilliant hook, and the lyrics were like nothing I'd ever heard. My friends and I would listen to this cassette over and over, amazed and in stitches. Talking about ass fucking and then when he's done, "...straight to the tub..." or how they call out some chick by her full name. Unbelievable for that era. This one still stands up and offends 2 decades later....

2:ANOTHER N*****R IN THE MORGUE
Great intro, great sample of James Brown, excessive use of potty mouth, extreme violence. Love this track. Scarface was prolly 17 when he did this. Crazy. I believed the Geto Boys were murderers for a long time.....I still want to.

3.SIZE AIN'T SHIT
I didn't believe there was an actual midget in the Geto Boys til I saw a cd cover, then when I heard the full story of Bushwick my mind was blown. Seeing him on the cover of We Can't Be Stopped? I was actually shocked. This little fella was the real deal. I heard him in an interview explaining how the gunpowder went into his skull in such a pattern that it did no brain damage. Well, it certainly didn't damage his street cred or rap skills. One of my all time favorite lines on this track : "Punk you out, and make you be my bitch and let a n*****r get shit on his dick for one cigarette"
Genius.
4. 4.STRAIGHT GANGSTERISM
A lot of people wouldn't consider this a Geto Boys track because it features Big Mike and 3-2 but Mike was an official member, taking over for Wille D on this album, and I think he's great. This is one of the heaviest and most soulful gangster raps ever written. On and on, on and on.

5.I'M NOT A GENTLEMAN
Words to live by. Wille D seems like somebodies bully uncle. Rumour has it that he went to Bagdad after he left the Geto Boys because American TV was too rude for his children.

"Think your pussy made of gold? 
Well it's not
You couldn't get a dime for it at the pawn shop
I won't pack your bags at the store
Nor will I take you to a play or a musical, whore
And break my neck to be extra polite
I'll take your motherfuckin' ass to a chicken fight
And if you get cold, 
you gonna sneezeCause I ain't givin' you my coat, so I can freeze
People say my manners are minimal
I'm from the ghetto, hoI'm not a motherfuckin' gentleman!"

6.BRING IT ON

My all time favorite rap song. I love putting this on at 5am when I'm wasted and attempting to sing along. The only Geto Boy in there is Scarface at the end but it does sport a lot of the RapALot family from that era including 5th Ward Boys, Gangsta NIP and child rapper Too Low. I actually bought most of the artists albums after hearing this. (Most were terrible)

7: G CODE

 The instrumental was featured in Chrysler 300 ad. A far cry from the St. Ives ad they did in the 90s. This is a way later outing but it's still a great track. More mature. Tear worthy if you're low in seratonin.

8: MIND OF A LUNATIC

Oh jeez eh. This one was crazy. Robbin, raping, home invasions, killing grandmothers. What more could you want from a song....I guess they didn't let their Grandmas hear this one....

9: DON'T COME TOO BIG

This is from Bushwicks first solo album but whatever, its a Geto Boys track for sure. Catchiest sampling and rapping ever. The whole album is worth checking out.

"Back to Juanita, the peter eater

This bitch swallowed my sperm by the 2-liter

She said that my dick tasted much sweeter yeah

Baby who knows her pose, bend over touch your toes

And close your mouth fore a " minute

Before I end up stickin my dick in it

And you can't handle that, it's too massive

Girl I fuck around and block your wind passage"

 
10. I WANNA FUCK YO MAMA

Wille D. Ever the charmer. Its always good to play this when starting to date a girl. That way she will avoid getting you to meet her mother.  4 years and I've still never had to meet my future mother in law. I just bust this out on a Sunday now and then. Funky as fuck and so filthy....Bust a nut on her Depends. Jesus.

JAQUES BREL: LE LION

http://www.4shared.com/music/AkcglHFy/Le_Lion.html?

I recently did a wedding where the theme was french countryside. I had no idea what the fuck that meant so I played Edith Piaf, Jaques Brel and Serge Gainsbourg. I don't think anybody cared. When it was time to dance they all wanted Party Rock ANTHEM ANYWAY....

NEW DJ PLAN MIXTAPE: VEGETARIAN CHICK'n

https://soundcloud.com/degenerate-planet/new-dj-plan-mix

This is a happy little rave mix. It goes a little sideways at the end, but so do most raves...

For You (HUGO Version)                                  Nina Kraviz

Corrosion                                                                      MELO

Jump                                                                              SABO

Vibracion                                SABO ft Teenwolf & Shelco

Funk Daze (PLAN Crack edit)                         Dirty Harry

Nonstop                                       Sharam Jay & Kolombo

Galactic Cinema                                              Maceo Plex

1994                                                         One dark martian

Owe Me  (Nicolas Jaar Mix)                  No Regular Play

PUMP THE VOLUME                     Zombie Disco Squad 

Keep It Real (Oliver $ Remix)                                 Hijack

I Am Europe (Claude Von Stroke dub) Chilly Gonzales

Tamanehro feat. MC Fodate              Daniel Haaksman

Hurt Somebody (Original Mix)                         Kill Frenzy

Trouble is a Friend                                           Nadastrom       

Activate                                               The Diving machine

Debasser                                                                     BUST

Black Girls White Girls           Kill Frenzy & Nick Monaco

Genesis (RIFF RaFF SKEEMIX)                           Grimes